When my husband and I first got together, we’d met at work. At first, we kept our relationship a secret. Then a close friend of mine—a colleague from HR—came up to me and said, “Oh, watch out for Jan. He flirts with everyone.”
I thought to myself: He’s charming, that’s true. Maybe that gets interpreted as flirting every now and then. My own experience with him was completely different. Nevertheless, whenever I went downstairs afterward and he was standing at the front desk talking to someone, my gaze would drift in his direction. And I’d try to figure out: Is he flirting right now? Is there something to it?
Just one sentence from someone I trusted, and suddenly I saw things differently. We’re colored by that, and we interpret future situations through that new lens.
What happened to me personally back then is something I see every day in companies. Hardly any other topic comes up as often in my conversations with teams and executives as the rumor mill.
The Rose-Colored Glasses of New Hires
I see this most clearly with new employees. It’s really just like being in a relationship. You’re wearing rose-colored glasses, you see things in a fundamentally positive light, you’re curious, and you’re looking forward to the new challenge.
Then someone comes along and says something about a coworker. At first, you think to yourself: “Yeah, right—my experience has been completely different.” Then another person comes along and says something else entirely. And little by little, your rose-colored glasses start to take on the color of what you’re hearing. Even if you try to keep it separate, even if you say, “I want to form my own opinion”: it rubs off on you.
We often feel that this helps us prepare better. But in reality, it colors our view of things, and then we’re no longer curious—instead, we approach situations with a judgmental mindset. That’s why you should definitely avoid listening to such things.
You realize just how persistent this is, at the very latest, when an accusation is once in the air. Imagine someone simply makes a funny joke in a group. Everyone who isn’t aware of the accusation laughs. And those who are aware of it look on and think: Okay, maybe that isn’t quite so nice after all?
Information as Currency
Where does this come from? In many companies—especially those where there’s a close-knit atmosphere and a long shared history—information is a form of currency. I know something, I’ll tell you, and that makes me valuable—and you, as the recipient, too—because I’m showing you that I trust you. The information sets me apart and puts the relationship in the spotlight.
On top of that: Everyone has confidants. One coworker tells another something in private, explicitly saying, “Please keep this between us.” She trusts her—and probably with good reason. But even this coworker has someone she goes for a walk with at lunchtime and to whom she tells just about everything. And that person has someone else, too. None of them feels like they’re doing anything wrong. It’s just a pyramid, a snowball effect.
People who can truly keep a secret are rare. Never count on the fact that your “This has to stay between us” or “Keep this to yourself” will actually stay with that person.
A trifle turns into a rumor
Rumors are rumors. They smell fishy. Often, someone has seen just a small thing, interpreted it in their own way, and suddenly we have a rumor. And the person who hears the rumor thinks to themselves, “There must be a grain of truth to it.”
A typical example: For two days in a row, the executive team sits in the conference room with someone unknown, the door closed and the blinds half-down. On the third day, someone in the break room says: “Did you see that? I think we’re being sold.” In reality, it was about new accounting software. But by the time someone says so officially, the rumor mill has long been in full swing. Yet management often needs time to prepare their communication, especially when it comes to major changes.
The other option would be to call your manager and ask what that means. For that to work, however, it takes trust—and it has to go both ways.
How to Combat Rumors
You can’t eliminate rumors entirely. But you can take away their fuel—and that requires effort from both sides.
Don’t get me wrong: management teams are by no means perfect. And no matter what they do, there will always be a group that will tear it apart completely.
Nevertheless, management teams and leaders have the most leverage. Here are a few things I recommend time and again:
It’s better to say something early than to say everything too late. Many managers and executives are unsure when the right time is to communicate. They feel that their communication must be perfect and contain all the information. Yet employees pay attention above all to the emotions behind the message—to what is said between the lines. The factual information alone isn’t the deciding factor. That’s why you can—and should—communicate sooner, even if not everything is finalized yet. For example: “We can’t give you all the information today because not everything has been finalized yet. And we don’t want you to be disappointed later if things turn out differently. But here’s what we can tell you now: …” Because an information vacuum doesn’t stay empty. It fills up—usually with interpretations based on worst-case scenarios.
Address rumors openly. Many managers shy away from this. They often hear rumors that have been passed along three, four, or five times over; they don’t know if they’re true, nor do they know who started them. Added to this is the concern about making the person who told you look bad. This concern is usually unfounded. By the time a rumor reaches you, it has long since spread, and often no one knows where it originated. It’s enough to address the topic on a general level: “We’ve heard that a rumor is currently circulating here that a new investor is coming on board.”
And what if you’re not allowed to say anything about it yet? Many people then fear that they’ll either give themselves away or have to lie. Neither is necessary. Just state the facts: “We know that this is being discussed right now. I can neither confirm nor deny anything about it today. But I promise you this: If there’s anything that affects you, you’ll hear about it from us—not through the grapevine.”
Devalue the currency. As long as information flows only through the grapevine, it remains valuable. When official information is provided quickly and reliably, the grapevine loses its value. It helps to go beyond just the factual level. Decades ago, Schulz von Thun explained that every message also contains a relational level, an appeal level, and a self-revelation level. What resonates between the lines is always picked up on, even if you didn’t intend it to be.
Encourage new employees to form their own impressions. Feel free to tell new employees quite openly: “You’ll hear quite a bit about others here. Please draw your own conclusions.”
What I do hope, however, is that everyone takes a look at themselves. How am I contributing to my company’s failure to reach its full potential? For example, by fueling rumors or trying to get others on my side.
In practical terms, this means the following for each individual:
Pause for a moment before passing something on. Do I actually know this, or did I just hear it? And who benefits if I pass it on?
Ask directly instead of beating around the bush. Go to the person themselves or to your manager. Starting with something like, “I heard something, and it’s bothering me,” works surprisingly well because it’s not confrontational—it opens the door to a conversation.
And every now and then, it’s worth cleaning your own glasses. If you notice that you suddenly see a colleague differently, ask yourself: Is this my experience with her, or is this someone else’s perspective? I often see this with managers, too. An employee is solidly in the middle—neither a high performer nor a low performer—and that’s fine. Then another manager says, “She’s no good at all; she doesn’t do a good job.” And just like that, you’ve been influenced and start seeing your own employee in a much more negative light.
We’re influenced, whether we like it or not. However, it’s up to us how much of that influence we pass on to others.
